BY HARRY RING
Read it and retch - Announcement of the decision to call up 33,000 military reservists came on the heels of Clinton's foulmouthed rap about a postwar plan to "rebuild" Kosova.

Right, boss? - "In this conflict we are fighting not for territory but for values." - Anthony Blair, Britain's Labour Party prime minister, and U.S. junior partner in its Yugoslav bloodletting.

Tsk - A $250-million missile-warning satellite ended up in the wrong orbit following its launch off an Air Force Titan rocket.... It was the first Titan IV flight since a spectacular $1-billion launch explosion in August." - News item.

They could throw up the food - Screwing up a revision of its data base and preparing its computers for Y2K, Colorado's welfare agency mistakenly issued food stamps to low-income people who qualified for the stamps in February, but not March. Now the agency would like to get paid for the stamps. So far, no one has volunteered. But some have complained, explaining they don't know how they'd pay it back.

But nobody's in jail - The feds declared 21-million pounds of Thorn Apple Valley meat and poultry unfit for human consumption. Three months earlier, 30 million pounds of meat products produced at the same Arkansas plant were recalled. More than 12 million pounds of contaminated hot dogs and baloney were already shipped to Russia and South Korea. Appropriate notification has been made.

The justice system - According to an Amnesty International report, the U.S. female prison population has tripled since 1985 and now number 138,000. Many are subjected to sexual assault and other abuses. They are "usually nonwhite and poor."

101: Targeting the Bill of Rights - Thomas Monaghan, who sold Domino's Pizza for 1 billion, is spending $50 million to establish Ave Maria law school. The first professor enlisted is right-winger Robert Bork who was too hot for the Supreme Court. The declared purpose of Ave Maria is to turn out lawyers sensitive to the moral consequences of the law. Monaghan says it will be "the West Point for the Catholic laity."

A draw - A state attorney in Florida, who allegedly represents indigent Death Row inmates, was cleared by the Bar Association of organizing a $5 "Death Pool." Participants bet on which of four condemned prisoners would be executed. He claimed no money changed hands. All four prisoners were executed.

Pardon the plug - A web site is peddling a "Millennium Conception Kit." Includes a fertility guide, ovulation prediction tests, pregnancy test, massage oil, and candles for $49.99. And to think, you get Capitalism's World Disorder: Working-Class Politics at the Millennium by Jack Barnes, for less than half.  
 
 
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