BY HARRY RING
Straight inside scoop - "When I take off this uniform and
I'm not visibly the assistant chief of police, I know I am a
candidate to be just another nigger beat up by police." - San
Francisco assistant police chief Earl Sanders.
`A few bad apples' dep't - The University of the Virgin Islands basketball team plans to sue the Puerto Rican police. During a tournament, the players ate at a restaurant and then tried to hail a cab. Cops forced them to lay on the sidewalk face down and spread eagled. The police later explained that they looked "suspicious."
`Sue me' - A UN commission found "inhuman and degrading" treatment in various U.S. prisons. It pointed to the Texas state prison where guards stomped an inmate to death after he spit on one of them. Also, the Oklahoma state pen where death row inmates are held in windowless, sealed cells. The government responded that "cruel and unusual" practices are barred by law and victims are free to take legal recourse.
Don't ask, don't tell, just go - Two years ago, Clinton adopted a policy that would assertedly offer homosexuals protection against victimization in the military. Now more gay service members are being kicked out than before. In fiscal 1995, 722 GIs were discharged, compared to 597 in 1994 and 682 in 1993.
But no stereotypes, mind you - Three actresses have been nominated for Academy awards this year for their roles as prostitutes. Comments Wesleyan film studies chair Jeanine Basinger: "Actually there are three kinds of classic parts for women to get nominated: nuns or prostitutes or deaf women."
`Take a hike' - Thousands of nonunion AT&T managerial employees are being given resumes to fill out. Those that are accepted will have a job. Explains a company spokesperson: "The idea is that everybody has been asked to step outside into a parking lot."
Sturdy as a dollar bill - Those sports/utility vehicles do look rugged on the TV screen. But in "crash" tests at five miles per hour, they suffered heavy duty repair bills. Only one of six could be driven away after the simulated fender- bender. The '96 Isuzu Rodeo was the front-runner. Four of them averaged $8,000 repairs.
Hook and crook - We reported that McDonnell Douglas billed the government $8,842 apiece for transport planes spare door hooks which had previously been made by a subcontractor for $389. McD also got into making spare hinges for $2,187. Earlier, some low-life subcontractor was turning them out for $31 each.
Small episode in ongoing war - Cashing in on the name of the famed revolutionary, a British entrepreneur was peddling "Che" beer in trendy London pubs. Production stopped after some protest.
`For your convenience' - We liked the gag about the guy who was rushed into the emergency room and hooked up directly to an ATM machine. The figures aren't that funny. A recent study estimated the machines will lop off 450,000 jobs in the next five years. In a decade, half of all U.S. bank branches will be shut down.