BY HARRY RING
Convention fling- Christopher Kerins, a New Jersey cop, was busted in Cincinnati on charges of holding up an area bank. After a seven mile chase, he was caught when he ran his car into a dead-end street. He was attending a law enforcement conference, but apparently skipped a session.

Funny, we thought things were worse than we thought - "Much of what is said about the plight of workers is inflammatory, demagogic, or flat-out wrong....In reality we live in a time of immense economic opportunity for employees at all levels." - A spokesman for the National Association of Manufacturers, which reports workers are better off then they think.

Don't confuse us with facts - Over the past five years, corporate profits increased 75 percent, workers' pay increased 16 percent and consumer prices were up 17 percent. That's according to Robert Eisner, professor emeritus of economics at Northwestern University.

For kicks, they're chained to an oar? - The Wall Street Journal reports that a growing number of companies prefer terms like "team members" to such harsh words as employees or workers, which, they contend, "connote an unhealthy division between management and labor." At one company, employees are "crew members" and eat in a company "galley."

The secret's in the sauce? - A major April 1 fire and blast at the Shell oil refinery in Martinez, California, was followed by several more fires and accidents, including one that took a worker's life. An April 20 fire in the company sewer system was attributed to a butane or propane leak. A folksy Shell spokesperson explained it was "like the stuff yoúd use in a backyard barbecue or camp stove."

Smoking files - Ticked off at Ronald Tamol, her fiancee and a retired Philip Morris research exec, Harriet Heep of Richmond, Virginia, turned over eight cartons of his files to lawyers suing the tobacco industry. Reportedly the documents, left in her basement, focus on the level of nicotine needed to keep users hooked. Stay tuned.

Beat the Marlboro Man?!! - Harriet Heep's break-up with Tamol was sparked when her daughter announced she had finally quit smoking. When she said she had smoked Marlboros, a puzzled Tamol responded that she should not have been able to quit and asked if she would explain to company researchers how she did it.

Electronic impulse? - Dropping its offer to replace defective ignition switches for a fee, the Ford company ordered a recall of 8.7 million cars and trucks with switches that can cause the steering column to erupt in flames. A recall ordered in Canada, and eight class-action suits apparently changed Ford's mind. Also, two litigants created a Web site on the Internet urging others to come forward. The site name - Assn. of Flaming Ford Owners.

Thought for the week - "When I went to Hollywood when Strawberry and Chocolate was nominated for an Oscar I said I would be happy to make films in America because they are seen everywhere, but I was afraid of the price I would have to pay. I'm not sure I would have the freedom that I have in Cuba." - Tomás Gutiérrez Alea, Cuba's gifted filmmaker, who died April 16.  
 
 
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