BY HARRY RING
You have to see their side -Three Haitian employers responding to accounts of superexploitation: 1) "I operate a business, not a charity." 2) "All we have to offer is our cheap labor." 3) "Our workers are weak and anemic and produce only 60 percent of what workers sew in the U.S."

The new order - Emergency fuel was rushed to the far eastern region of Russia when an abrupt end to government fuel subsidies brought a crippling power blackout. The governor rushed to Moscow to demand a solution. He ruefully told a reporter: "No question can be resolved here. Some of the government ministers are still celebrating [Yeltsin's] victory, others are on holiday and the rest are sitting on their suitcases waiting to be sacked."

Share food fairly? Isn't that communist? - A UN report on the global food shortage observed that sharing the world's food more fairly would "probably eliminate most cases of undernourishment."

Greed on Wall St.? - Since the TWA crash, companies marketing bomb detectors or security services find their stocks are doing well. Wall St. analyst Alfred Goldman explains: "These stocks have become the investments du jour. Greed has taken over the market place..."

Ode to the Last Fool - Continues analyst Goldman: "This appeals to the `greater fool' theory. You buy it for $15 because there's always someone who will buy it from you at $20." He adds: "Just make sure you've had a cardiovascular exam first."

Jobs program - Jobsearch, a mag placed in government employment centers in England, includes offers for work as prostitutes. After a Labor Party complaint, the Tory government ordered it withdrawn. Earlier, the top dog at the Employment Service declared it was not up to the agency to "censor publications or deny job-seekers access to the widest range of opportunities."

Generic endorsement? -England's venerable Cambridge University is accepting a 1.5 million (U.S.$2.3 million) donation from BAT, a top global cigarette pusher. The money will establish an international relations professorship named after BAT's former chairman. A Cambridge official assured: "The university does stress that this decision does not endorse the product of a particular manufacturer."

Join the Space Cadets -Check out Celestis Inc. for a space burial. But bear in mind, cargo space is limited, and a cremated body can weigh seven pounds. So, about a quarter-ounce of your ashes will be tucked in a lipstick-size container and, with others, placed in a larger container and stowed aboard a commercial spaceship. Under $5,000.

Thought for the week - "Bankers might be thought to have souls of glass and hearts of stone, but we are human beings." - Gustavo Gómez. On the lam in Europe, he and buddies are wanted in Venezuela for looting Banco Latino.  
 
 
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