BY HARRY RING
A happy new year - "The Red Cross is to distribute food parcels in Britain for the first time in nearly 50 years. It says new government immigration controls have reduced refugees to the poverty levels of famine-stricken Third World countries." - The Times of London.

Warms your heart - Western companies have contributed generous humanitarian aid to Bosnia -like, a batch of birth control pills with a 1986 expiration date, weight-loss pills from Britain, a U.S. mouthwash, and anti-leprosy pills from Norway. All, we assume, tax-deductible.

Pillgate? - At a Democratic fund-raiser last spring, Aiwah Qi, a $12,500 donor, posed for a picture with the prez, holding a bottle of pills in her hand. But then it was reported that Qi, a bogus doctor, was peddling the pills (aspirins) as a $160-cure for liver cancer and hepatitis. She paid New York City a $1,000 fine. Meanwhile, the White House ordered the photographer to surrender the picture.

Dig this - In Jerry Maguire, Cuba Gooding plays a football pro who hungers to do a Reebok endorsement. Taken with the idea, the company says it invested $1.5 million in a feel-good commercial for Gooding, who disses Reebok during the film but, at the end, wins the coveted prize. Sony's TriStar Pictures decided the ending didn't "fit creatively" and snipped it. Reebok is suing Sony for $120 million.

You want to learn? We'll learn you - Some college students decide to switch majors. Others opt for a second major. Now, officials at public colleges in Texas want such "career" students to pay up to four times the current $2,150 annual tuition fee.

A deal - From the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog, an authentic 1986 London taxicab. Seats driver and up to six passengers. $43,000 plus delivery. H&S's usual unconditional guarantee "does not apply."

Speedup continues - Called the Hypoxic Room, it's a plastic chamber where the oxygen is reduced to 15 percent, about the same as if you were 9,000 feet above sea level. They say if you exercise in the thin air for 15 minutes, you get the equivalent of a 30-minute workout. $32,000.

If it's 3 o'clock, this must be... - Reservations for next fall still available. An around-the-world trip on a Concorde jet that cruises at twice the speed of sound. $52,800 per person, double occupancy.

Cultural revolution - They're sleek and feature designer colors. Marketed by the Miele company in Germany, they're vacuum cleaners that sell for $700 to $1,000. "Our goal," declares the U.S. distributor "is to redefine the way Americans think about vacuum cleaners."

Bullets by Beefeater - As a fund-raiser, the City of London is considering having cops' uniforms and squad cars bear the logos of corporate sponsors. Discreetly placed, we're assured.  
 
 
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