BY HARRY RING
Maybe it was a recording - Lillian Mills, 81, of Canada's
Ontario province, was taken aback when she phoned the Health
Insurance Plan. The voice at the other end told her that she
was dead and if she used her insurance number she would be
defrauding the government.
Anglicans at war - The Anglican come-to-church Easter poster of Che with a crown of thorns has sparked a war of words in the church. Rev. Tom Ambrose, a director of advertising, declared: "We want to get away from the wimpy little Nordic figures in a white nightie." Rev. Peter Mullen, chaplain of the London stock exchange, responds, "The example of the real Jesus is not adolescent trendiness but mature obedience.... I suggest: `Grow up. Come to church at Easter.' "
Or at least an error - "Portraying Christ as a Communist revolutionary is verging on the blasphemous." - Julian Brazier, Conservative member British parliament.
Insurance career, anyone? -We're late on this: Gertie Witherspoon of Adrian, Missouri, was killed by a truck last summer. Tiny and spry at 81, she was still putting in 50 hours a week at a restaurant. Driving to work, one of her tires blew. Dazed, she got out and was killed by an oncoming truck. Afterward, her daughter got a $2,800 damage claim for "negligence" from the truck's insurer. "I'm not paying them for killing my mom," she said. "I'll go to jail first."
Try busting rich people -Findlay, Ohio, isn't doing well with its "pay to stay" plan for jail inmates. Last year they squeezed $15,000 from prisoners, about 3 percent of the asserted cost of housing them.
Catch 22.com - About that Free-PC.com offer of 10,000 free commuters to people willing to let them track their web surfing. There is a snag. You have to fill out an application at the company's web site. You don't have a computer or access to one to do this? Tough situation.
Plain talk - Pittsburgh's Northgate High is featuring his and hers "honors" bathrooms - pink toilet covers, gold-plated faucets, scent, Muzak. But you don't need good grades to use them instead of the regular dilapidated latrines. Get a key by signing a card pledging not to smoke or trash the place. Break the rules and get a 10-day key suspension. One student said he didn't intend to apply. "Either way," he said, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom if I have to."
Too busy cracking heads? - "LONDON - Policing costs have risen to L 115 a year for every man, woman and child on England and Wales, but the number of crimes solved by each officer is falling." News item.
It can really pile up. - "The Vatican owes $23 million to Rome's municipal sewer company, which said they would have acted long ago if it was an ordinary customer. But not the Vatican, which asserts that free water services were included in the 1929 Lutheran treaty establishing the Vatican as an independent city-state within Rome.